Just this week, I was sitting at my dining room table eating breakfast reflecting on what I'd read earlier that morning in my devotional. This month I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Talk about a powerful book! As I sat there praying, something very specific was laid on my heart. While I was focusing on what I can share with others to help them on their health and fitness journey, God put a topic on my heart that was directed specifically at me. Right there at my dining room table I felt very convicted as my heart whispered..."April..Where are you putting YOUR focus?" Over the past 2 years I've become a very goal focused person. In a lot of ways, it's how I've been able to loose 45lbs, run several half marathons, start a business and reach hundreds of people through improved health and fitness.. BUT if I'm not careful it's in my nature to let my focus get so wrapped around my own personal goals that I can forget about the bigger picture, about why I'm here and who REALLY is creating all that success. When things get tough and don't go my way, I can become quite discouraged and THEN I start looking up to Heaven wondering what's going on.  I sat there drinking my coffee and that question stopped me in my tracks... and I want to ask you the same question.. Where is your focus today?

 It's so easy to get wrapped up in our wordly story, you know.. the story where we struggle with temptation, feel failure, and get overwhelmed by all the mixed messages that come with losing weight and reaching our goals. Instead of drowning in our worldy story, we have to start looking to something greater, something much more powerful than what we are going through at the moment. When it comes down to it, God is far more important than anything else. Colossians 3:2 says, "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on Earth."  When we put our focus on Him and ask him for guidance, always sensitive to where he is guiding us, the rest will fall into place. If we are constantly looking at the struggle in front of us, we will never see the light up ahead eager to guide us. Are you trying to do this weight loss, healthy lifestyle thing all on your own? Using your own strength? Now is the time to redirect your focus, instead of soley focusing on all the things you need to do to reach your goal, hold on to His promises to you. Psalm 32:8 says,"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Ask God for his wisdom, ask him to direct your path. When you are unsure of the next step to make, take a minute to stop and ASK him. Now, I understand that this may be a foreign concept for some. It's not something that came natural for me initially.. but one thing I've learned along my journey to living for Christ is that he wants to be in every detail of our life. He wants us to involve him, so if we ask him for help, if we ask him for guidance or even to help us make healthy choices, you better believe he's going to show up! Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." My dear beautiful friend.. you don't have to do this alone. You don't have to be strong enough and have it all together. You have a Father in heaven who is ready to scoop you up and give you EVERYTHING you need to help you on this journey. Will is be easy? No way, but I promise you.. you will have everything you need when you need it.

My breakfast conversation with God this week was  a big eye opener for me. Even though it's never fun to be "called out", I love that no matter what, God is pursuing  me. He loves me enough to chase after me when I start getting off track. Each of us is in a different place in our journey, for some it's weight loss, for others it's very specific big goals. No matter what we are working towards, lets be careful to not make that the big focus. After all, at the end of the day.. the biggest reward we will ever receive is Jesus. Lets pursue our goals wholeheartedly and give God all the glory, because it is through him we have the opportunity to move fearlessly towards our dreams.

I don't know about you but "Beautiful" is the last word that comes to mind when I think about a mess. I don't know about you, but stress, anxiety and disaster seem like more acceptable words. This topic was placed on my heart to share with you last week... but in my own "mess" the words didn't come. However, this past Saturday I got up early to go for a run. What would typically be a long run of 6-10 miles turned into barely just 2. I ended at this beautiful marina near my house and sat down to enjoy the last few minutes of quiet before I was due home. As I sat there listening to the birds chirping and watching families slowly prepping their boats for a beautiful day out on the water, I began to pray. Somewhere over the past few weeks I'd managed to get way off track. My house was a mess, the laundry was piling up, I'd been eating terribly and working out inconsistently. As I prayed it occurred to me somewhere over the past month I had quit trusting God to help me and started relying on my own strength. As you can tell, it wasn't going so well. When I started doing God's job, things quickly began to unravel. As I sat there on that park bench I took a deep breath and asked God for forgiveness.. then I took all my mess, all the stress and worry and I gave it all to him, once again.

I remember the story of Peter in the bible, when in the last day of Jesus' life he denied knowing him not once or twice but three times (John 18:15-27). Talk about messing up big, right? I imagine Peter after it was all said and done feeling overwhelmed with guilt and anger with himself. He had messed up big time and there was no way he could take it back. In John 21 we see life after Jesus' death, before his return. Peter, feeling down decides to go out onto the sea of Galiliee to fish. As a fisherman I imagine it was his place of comfort.. going back to his roots of sorts. Along with the other disciples, they spent an entire night on the water without catching any fish. It wasn't until the morning that they saw a man on the shore. The man told them to cast out their nets and when they did, they pulled it up overflowing with fish! At that point, Simon new it was Jesus. He shouted for Jesus and dove overboard and swam to shore. When he reached the shore he saw that Jesus had prepared breakfast for Simon and the others. The coals were even burning hot, ready to prepare the fish for them. After all the mistakes Simon had made, after he had denied Jesus 3 times, Jesus STILL stood on that shoreline, with a warm breakfast, wanting Simon to continue on doing His work. 

As I sat there on Saturday, watching the boats come and go I felt very much like Simon. ONCE AGAIN I had messed up. I'd gotten off track and I've relied way to much on my own strength and so little on God's. The great thing about our loving Creator is that he loves us way too much to throw up his hands in frustration with us when we mess up. God has this amazing plan for each of us and he has a way of taking our broken mess and making it something beautiful. Ephesians 2:10 says, " For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus,so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.". No matter how many times we find our self in a mess, we can bring that to God and not only will he give us the strength to get through it but he will make us anew with this never ending grace. He will put us back on our feet and take that broken mess and use it for His glory. God has a plan for you, an amazing one (Jerimiah 29:11), don't let your brokenness stand in the way of the plan God has for you. Offer it up to him and let him make something BEAUTIFUL out of your mess.

As I sit her today, determined to focus and work on my blog, I have to admit my heart isn't in it. It's been a discouraging past few weeks. When it rains it pours, and the rain has been dumping over at my house. It's funny how that happens. Things have been moving along perfectly, then BAM! total upheaval. My heart hasn't been up for much. I've been sick for two solid weeks now, one week of knowing I have pneumonia. That was the big blow after all the little things that had gone wrong in the month of April. Somehow, I've let all the little things, me being sick, and the stress that came with the month to penetrate my heart and discourage me. Do you ever feel that way? This past Sunday, as I sat on my bed listening to an archived Sermon I got a text from my mom. She was checking in on me to see how I was feeling. In my broken-ness I told her.. "I feel defeated". Her response was not anticipated.. and it hit me in a very real way. She said "Remember your calling. Satan is scared of you. So he is going to give you those feelings. They are a lie." My mom, she knows my heart and she knows that God has put a strong desire in my heart to do something HUGE for the Kingdom of God. For months I've been digging into my bible, studying his word and moving closer towards this plan that God has for me. My mom hit it right on the nose, when she said "Satan is scared of you". As I sat there and reflected on what she said.. I knew she was so right. For WEEKS I've been dealing with these negative voices in my head. "Why are you wasting your time on this, it won't work" "NO ONE cares what you have to say" "Don't embarrass yourself, keep this to yourself". The sicker and more tired I got, the louder the voices had become.. and the more I felt it affecting my heart and my desire to do what God has called me to do. **sigh**  The very thing that I've told my mom, the same thing I've shared in my blog.. and yet I was the one who needed reminding. In my moment of clarity I was able to see all the ways that God has been pursuing me these weeks; the topics at church, the topics covered in my devotional, all pointed to him and yet I completely missed it. Satan is alive and well and very tricky! All these obstacles and negative thoughts were his tricky way of discouraging me away from doing what I have been called to do.

I'm being vulnerable here today and sharing this with you because I know I'm not the only one facing obstacles today. I'm not the only one battling the voices in my head, voices of self doubt, discouragement and defeat. Satan wants nothing positive for you. He doesn't want you to feel good about yourself. He doesn't want you to feel strong, secure and comfortable in your skin. Imagine what I strong and confident YOU could do!!  1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Ouch. Those are some bold words but we have to be aware, so we know what we are up against. When you start working towards something positive in your life, you are likely to be met with obstacles. Things are likely to come up that are going to discourage you and make you want to quit. My dear friend, you can't quit! Keeping pushing forward on your journey and putting positive things in your life daily. Keep your eyes on the Lord and he will direct your way. Psalms 16:8 says "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." No matter what your heart feels or how discouraged you are, God will never leave you. Share your struggles with him and find your strength and peace through him. He will never forsake you and he will help your through the mess you may be in at the moment. <3