As I sit her today, determined to focus and work on my blog, I have to admit my heart isn't in it. It's been a discouraging past few weeks. When it rains it pours, and the rain has been dumping over at my house. It's funny how that happens. Things have been moving along perfectly, then BAM! total upheaval. My heart hasn't been up for much. I've been sick for two solid weeks now, one week of knowing I have pneumonia. That was the big blow after all the little things that had gone wrong in the month of April. Somehow, I've let all the little things, me being sick, and the stress that came with the month to penetrate my heart and discourage me. Do you ever feel that way? This past Sunday, as I sat on my bed listening to an archived Sermon I got a text from my mom. She was checking in on me to see how I was feeling. In my broken-ness I told her.. "I feel defeated". Her response was not anticipated.. and it hit me in a very real way. She said "Remember your calling. Satan is scared of you. So he is going to give you those feelings. They are a lie." My mom, she knows my heart and she knows that God has put a strong desire in my heart to do something HUGE for the Kingdom of God. For months I've been digging into my bible, studying his word and moving closer towards this plan that God has for me. My mom hit it right on the nose, when she said "Satan is scared of you". As I sat there and reflected on what she said.. I knew she was so right. For WEEKS I've been dealing with these negative voices in my head. "Why are you wasting your time on this, it won't work" "NO ONE cares what you have to say" "Don't embarrass yourself, keep this to yourself". The sicker and more tired I got, the louder the voices had become.. and the more I felt it affecting my heart and my desire to do what God has called me to do. **sigh**  The very thing that I've told my mom, the same thing I've shared in my blog.. and yet I was the one who needed reminding. In my moment of clarity I was able to see all the ways that God has been pursuing me these weeks; the topics at church, the topics covered in my devotional, all pointed to him and yet I completely missed it. Satan is alive and well and very tricky! All these obstacles and negative thoughts were his tricky way of discouraging me away from doing what I have been called to do.

I'm being vulnerable here today and sharing this with you because I know I'm not the only one facing obstacles today. I'm not the only one battling the voices in my head, voices of self doubt, discouragement and defeat. Satan wants nothing positive for you. He doesn't want you to feel good about yourself. He doesn't want you to feel strong, secure and comfortable in your skin. Imagine what I strong and confident YOU could do!!  1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Ouch. Those are some bold words but we have to be aware, so we know what we are up against. When you start working towards something positive in your life, you are likely to be met with obstacles. Things are likely to come up that are going to discourage you and make you want to quit. My dear friend, you can't quit! Keeping pushing forward on your journey and putting positive things in your life daily. Keep your eyes on the Lord and he will direct your way. Psalms 16:8 says "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." No matter what your heart feels or how discouraged you are, God will never leave you. Share your struggles with him and find your strength and peace through him. He will never forsake you and he will help your through the mess you may be in at the moment. <3