I remember a very specific road trip I made during my college years away from home. My girl friends and I thought it would be a great idea to drive to the next state, where it was legal and get tattoos. We were wild and free and determined to do whatever we wanted. We hit some bumps in the road along the way, including a blown out tire.. but rain or shine I wasn't coming back home without my new awesome, cool, tattoo. Ha! 10 years later I don't think it's so awesome. It probably wasn't the best decision I made for my body.. but there is sits.. this nice little smudged reminder of my stupidity. :) When I think about the o stupid things I've done to my body over the years.. things like my tattoo come to mind.. or the wrinkles that are popping up after years of laying in the sun and in tanning beds. We all have those things.. the things that outwardly show that we haven't cared for our bodies as well as we probably should have. Granted we live and learn and there really isn't much we can do about the past, besides move forward and hope we've wised up a bit.

I think it's so easy to measure everything from the outside when it comes to how our bodies are holding up. It's all so exterior. My question to you today is.. What is going on on the inside? If we were to take an accurate account of our inward health, what would the answer be? Nowadays... I'm a good girl and always put on my sunscreen to take care of my skin, I exercise so that number on the scale stays in a healthy range. I'm conscious of these things but I'm not so conscious about the junk I put in my body. If I was being honest, I'd have to say I need to do a better job. I should cut back more on the processed foods and eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. I should drink more water and get more sleep. When I think about my body it's easy to think it's all mine and my business but that's not necessarily true. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." Our bodies are pretty remarkable and made for so much more than we give them credit for. The bible tells us that our body is a temple, for the Holy Spirit within us. Our bodies were made by the Creator for a very specific purpose and we should glorify God by taking care of our bodies.

 I think Psalm 139 says it so beautifully when David says, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." We have this amazing blessing.. the blessing of life and hopefully good health.We are alive and have these bodies that allow us to fully enjoy life. Shouldn't we take better care of them? Sometimes a change of perspective can go along way. This week lets choose to view our bodies as a gift of God, a sacred temple that we can glorify God with. Lets not only take care of our outsides, but nourish our insides. Lets eat healthier, drink more water and sleep more. I truly believe that when we take care of our insides, it shows on the outside. Lets glorify God this week by taking care of the beautiful gift that he has given us.

Transparency. It's freeing to put it all out there but then again.. it's scary. Today would normally be my long run day. On a "normal" Saturday I would have no problem popping out of bed before the sun is up, craving that feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion that comes with a long run. Running is my love, my passion, but today I didn't run.. yesterday I didn't run. It's been a full week and I didn't pop out of bed this morning with that excitement. I've been in a funk. I tore my shoulder muscle too (it's nothing serious.. but needs a little down time to heal) which has fed this funk even more. I have a FULL marathon (26.2 miles) planned for late October and I question if I can even run 5 miles at this point. Seriously, as I write this I don't know how I've gotten to this point. This race has been hanging over my shoulders for months and I've been tossing around the idea of selling my bib. Admitting failure and giving up.. it seems like the easy route; one I'm scared to take. I'm not a quitter. So here I am.. another Saturday watching my friends run their training runs and I'm not. It's a yuck place to be. For weeks I've asked myself "What is wrong with you April?! Why can't you seem to get into this?" This morning.. just a few minutes ago I finally got my answer. Like total smack me in the face, why the heck haven't I thought of this sooner moment. I'm SCARED, like I want to cry scared. Hows that transparent for you? I have been sabotaging this race out of FEAR! FEAR of failure, FEAR of injury, FEAR of 26.2 miles.  I have an amazing support system.. that's if I chose to actually GO to the training runs, yet here I sit doing NOTHING to get me to this goal. FEAR.. it has completely consumed me and I wasn't even aware of it.

So here is my question for you... What have YOU been sabotaging out of fear? What have you been blowing off because it's too big and scary to tackle? Maybe it's loosing those 50lbs or fitting into those jeans you wore in college, maybe it's finishing your degree or starting that business you've always dreamed of? No matter what that Big Scary goal is.. what is standing in your way? Fear can have a very powerful stronghold over us and apparently it can be so powerful we don't even realize it's controlling us. That devil is sneaky sneaky, isn't he? Today I'm choosing truth and I encourage you to do the same. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." God did not create us to live a life of fear. No, he created us to move forward boldly with a spirit of POWER, love and self-control. We have to constantly remind ourselves of who we are. We are daughters (and sons) of The One True King. We don't have to live this life in fear but we do have to make that choice and actively move forward, trusting Him.  Psalm 34:4 says "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." We don't have to be held captive by our fears and we don't have to sit on the sidelines while others are moving boldly towards their dreams. You can achieve yours too. Seek Him, lean on Him and he will help you work through those fears and all the self doubt that comes with it.

So.. even though I'm scared to death and even though I don't feel so powerful in this moment, I'm here to say that I'm not going to let fear win this one. They may have to roll me over the finish line but I'll be there. I'm taking that first step today and ordering my new running shoes that I've been putting off buying and I'm going to start moving towards this goal. Running 26.2 miles may not be your thing and most likely, unless you are a runner, you think I'm crazy. That's okay. That's whats so exciting about those BIG dream.. THEY ARE CRAZY! That's what makes them so amazing. So, go tackle your crazy dream. Don't let your fear hold YOU captive anymore.

Let me be real with you and say that patience isn't my strong suit. I don't like waiting. I mean, who really does? Becoming an Army wife didn't help me. Waiting is the name of the game in this life. Always waiting.. on new orders...in line for dr appts...or my least favorite..on my husband. I wouldn't even want to know the hours I've spent waiting on that man to get home from an incredibly long day of work, from the most recent training or from deployment. Waiting is apart of my life but it never seems to get easier. You'd think when it came time to finally whip myself into shape and loose weight I'd have this whole "waiting thing" down but as always it was something I struggled with. Some people reach their goals and get incredible results in just 60-90 days. I've seen it happen, Heck.. I've HELPED it happen. I wasn't so lucky. I lost weight by good ol' trail and error. I didn't have anyone their to teach me about healthy eating or to keep me accountable to my workouts. So, it's not surprising that it took me and entire year to get to my goal weight.  BUT.. I did it and lost 45lbs.  It is so frustrating to want something so bad but be forced to wait it out. They say all things are worth having are worth waiting for, right?!

So what are you waiting on? Are you waiting to finally loose that weight? To finally have it all together? Ha, maybe you are waiting on YOUR husband. No matter what our lessons in patience look like I think it helps to look to the bigger picture, the WHY of it all. Why don't we get what we want, when we want it? I think it has to do with the growth and the lessons we learn along the way. Sure it took me a year to figure out how my body worked and how to not only loose weight but keep it off. I learned, so I could help you. God has a plan for me and he has a plan for you. Philippians 1:6 says, "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." God wants us to grow personally and spiritually. He wants us to become more Christlike and when we let him into our hearts he begins working in some pretty incredible ways and he will continue to work within us. It's a process. I love what Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life says on this topic. He says, "While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how strong we grow." So yes, we are going to have to wait. It's part of life, but I think recognizing that things WILL take time gives us the advantage. One of the biggest reasons why so many quit working towards their health and fitness goals is their lack of progress. It's TOUGH and when they aren't seeing the fruits of their labor they quit. It's the natural thing to do, right? But what if we stuck it out and were patient? How much stronger and more equipped would we be in the long run? God has something to teach us through all of our waiting moments, but we can find comfort that he will never leave us and we will reach our goals if we just stick with it.

So what do we do with all of this waiting? :::insert grumbling::::  My advice... never give up! Keep on trying, keep on practicing GOOD habits that will move you forward. You are the way you are because of your current habits. It's true! Think about your habits and think about the habits that you know you need to have to move you forward. My old band teacher used to say "Perfect practice makes perfect". This process takes time, but the more you practice healthy habits the easier it will become. 1`Timothy 4:15 says, "Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress." You have progress to be made. You have something to share with the world. I encourage you to change your perspective as you wait on your results to come. Ask yourself what can I learn from this along the way and what healthy habits can I practice each day? God has some beautiful work to do within you. Soften your heart to him and let him change you from the inside out.