Transparency. It's freeing to put it all out there but then again.. it's scary. Today would normally be my long run day. On a "normal" Saturday I would have no problem popping out of bed before the sun is up, craving that feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion that comes with a long run. Running is my love, my passion, but today I didn't run.. yesterday I didn't run. It's been a full week and I didn't pop out of bed this morning with that excitement. I've been in a funk. I tore my shoulder muscle too (it's nothing serious.. but needs a little down time to heal) which has fed this funk even more. I have a FULL marathon (26.2 miles) planned for late October and I question if I can even run 5 miles at this point. Seriously, as I write this I don't know how I've gotten to this point. This race has been hanging over my shoulders for months and I've been tossing around the idea of selling my bib. Admitting failure and giving up.. it seems like the easy route; one I'm scared to take. I'm not a quitter. So here I am.. another Saturday watching my friends run their training runs and I'm not. It's a yuck place to be. For weeks I've asked myself "What is wrong with you April?! Why can't you seem to get into this?" This morning.. just a few minutes ago I finally got my answer. Like total smack me in the face, why the heck haven't I thought of this sooner moment. I'm SCARED, like I want to cry scared. Hows that transparent for you? I have been sabotaging this race out of FEAR! FEAR of failure, FEAR of injury, FEAR of 26.2 miles.  I have an amazing support system.. that's if I chose to actually GO to the training runs, yet here I sit doing NOTHING to get me to this goal. FEAR.. it has completely consumed me and I wasn't even aware of it.

So here is my question for you... What have YOU been sabotaging out of fear? What have you been blowing off because it's too big and scary to tackle? Maybe it's loosing those 50lbs or fitting into those jeans you wore in college, maybe it's finishing your degree or starting that business you've always dreamed of? No matter what that Big Scary goal is.. what is standing in your way? Fear can have a very powerful stronghold over us and apparently it can be so powerful we don't even realize it's controlling us. That devil is sneaky sneaky, isn't he? Today I'm choosing truth and I encourage you to do the same. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." God did not create us to live a life of fear. No, he created us to move forward boldly with a spirit of POWER, love and self-control. We have to constantly remind ourselves of who we are. We are daughters (and sons) of The One True King. We don't have to live this life in fear but we do have to make that choice and actively move forward, trusting Him.  Psalm 34:4 says "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." We don't have to be held captive by our fears and we don't have to sit on the sidelines while others are moving boldly towards their dreams. You can achieve yours too. Seek Him, lean on Him and he will help you work through those fears and all the self doubt that comes with it.

So.. even though I'm scared to death and even though I don't feel so powerful in this moment, I'm here to say that I'm not going to let fear win this one. They may have to roll me over the finish line but I'll be there. I'm taking that first step today and ordering my new running shoes that I've been putting off buying and I'm going to start moving towards this goal. Running 26.2 miles may not be your thing and most likely, unless you are a runner, you think I'm crazy. That's okay. That's whats so exciting about those BIG dream.. THEY ARE CRAZY! That's what makes them so amazing. So, go tackle your crazy dream. Don't let your fear hold YOU captive anymore.