New beginnings. It kinda comes with the territory when you think of the new year. For my family and I,  the new year is bringing many new changes for my family. I wish it was as simple as new year resolutions for us, but unfortunately this year it's quite more in-depth with a move, a career change and beginning a new life. As we hang out in limbo, having an extended visit with family, I can't help but be overwhelmed with emotion; missing the life we left in VA, anticipating what is to come and embracing the here and now with the ones I love. Life isn't always black and white. It can get a little messy (okay a lot messy) and sometimes we just need to know someone understands, that someone is there. As a military wife that can be hard to come by in an area that is not associated with the military. People don't get it. My poor son was getting a little over chatty with the friendly lady at the grocery store, telling her about our recent move from VA, how we'll be here a few months before we move on to our next new home. She looked so perplexed and gave me a look of pity. It's a common response when we meet new people here. The idea of moving every 2-3 years, traveling and being separated from your loved ones seems like a hard burden to carry when you are not used to it. Sure, it's gotten me a few extra military discounts but at the end of the day it can get a bit lonely. So, as I was on a run recently unloading all my cares and concerns on God he was quick to remind me that I'm not alone, that he loves me and if anyone can understand it's Jesus.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we aren't alone. That we have a father in heaven that not only hears our prayers but can sympathize with our struggles. I love what Psalm 86:6 says, " Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; And attend to the voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon you, For you will answer me." When we talk, He listens. When we feel alone like no one understands, He does. When we need to be comforted, He comforts. We are never alone, even when we feel like the whole world is against us, we can depend on the greatest Comforter of all. So don't fret my beautiful friend. No matter what you are going through, no matter what burden you carry deep in your heart, be reminded today that you are never alone.

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Christmas has come and gone. I was blessed to be able to spend this Christmas with all of my family. There was peace, good food, and plenty of laughter. Now that the dust is settling and I'm catching up on some much needed rest, I can't help but look back at the past year and reflect. So much has happened in 2014. I've been incredibly blessed this year and I've also came up against many obstacles and struggles. This year has been a year of incredible growth for me and that comes with some pretty significant growing pains. Exactly a year ago today, my family and I were making our cross country drive back to VA. As I sat in the passenger seat, I wrote out my plans for the year. I came into 2014 full of hope and excitement for all that was to come. I'd made MY plans and I can't help but sit back and laugh. I can't help but wonder what God thought of MY plans. We obviously were not on the same page coming into the new year. With that said, God was so faithful in 2014. He showed up and was there as I was put under the heat and pressure that comes with change. This year I chose to let a few things go so I can be the woman God wants me to be and I've never felt more free! While I lost in some areas, I gained in so many other ways. God blessed my marriage. He blessed my boys and our family with peace and spiritual growth. He helped me get my nose out of my phone and invest in the relationships around me. Looking back the things that were so hard to let go, seem so little compared to the blessings I've received because of His faithfulness.

So, as I sit here looking forward to a new year, I'm doing things a little differently this year. I'm asking God what He'd like me to work on this year. I'm lining up my goals with his Word. Then, I'm dreaming BIG. I'm not putting limits on myself or God. I'm taking God out of the box that I tend to put him in and I'm expecting amazing things in 2015. It's so easy to limit ourselves based on past experiences and failures. It's easy to expect no change and to continue living a life that is lacking and often mediocre. We serve a limitless God. He is all powerful and all knowing and loves each of us dearly. As the new year arrives, lets be bold with our prayers and plans. Lets dare to dream big and invite God into our story. Lets take off the chains that are holding us down and move into 2015 with the Creator of all the universe on our side. God has amazing plans for us! Lets not be afraid to dream big!

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Yesterday my heart skipped a beat as the white moving truck pulled up in front of our house. They were early. I wasn't ready. Honestly, I don't think I would have ever been ready. It's a unique feeling to watch nearly everything you own being boxed up and shuffled out the door into a large moving truck, especially when you know you won't see it for months. Four months to be exact. Our things are moving without us, ahead of us to our new destination. They will sit in storage for 4 months until we are ready. As I watched the movers do their thing my heart ached as I watched another chapter of our life close. This chapter has been very short, only 16 months. Others chapters for us were ready to be closed. We were excited to move on to our next adventure, to see and do new things. Happy. Positive. Anticipation. We were ready to go.  I don't know exactly why my family and I don't feel that way this time. Each of us are holding on.. when we really don't have much to hold on to. We haven't been here long enough to put many roots down or build many strong relationships. If there was a desert, this would have been it, dry and a little lonely at times. Yet here we are clinging on. Yesterday afternoon my son burst into tears the moment he got into our car after school. His safe place, as if he'd been holding back the tears all day. As soon as he saw mama, he cried. Crying for missed opportunities and fear he would miss the pajama party happening on Friday. He's been waiting in anticipation for the pajama party and it just happens to be the day we are moving. Heartache.

I've been searching for peace for weeks. We wanted this, this move is a GOOD thing. My husband is taking on a new and better position as work. We will be closer to family and have new opportunities to grow. It's all positive. So why are we holding on so tight to this life we have here that is honestly kinda mediocre? Well, the answer hit me this week while I was on my run. (Seriously, running is better than therapy). I realized that it's not that we are holding on to something we love, we are holding onto the comfort of what we have. We are comfortable here.. comfortable with our routine, our home, and the life we are living.. even though it's kinda like a desert; dry and a little on the lonely side. Our need to have that security of our comfort zone is the true reason to our heartache. Instead we are exchanging comfort for 4 months of transition then moving on to the land of the unknown. New house, new school, new friends, new job.. an entirely new life. Let me tell you, it's scary! My husband laid in bed last night and we talked about what was to come; the weight on his shoulders as HE makes a life change with his career. It's not just weighing on me and the boys, it's weighing on him too. Our mediocre desert type life sounds pretty good right now.

That comfort zone can be a tricky and dangerous thing. My mind flashes  to the Israelites as they wandered the desert for 40 years waiting on their promise land.  They didn't trust God and disobeyed him, which in return left them wandering for 40 years. They had a promise from God that was everything they ever wanted but because of their lack of faith they suffered for far way too long. It's easy to stay stuck in a place of little faith worrying about what is to come next. It's easy to look at the unknown path ahead and be fearful. I know I have. I look ahead at an unknown path and I get uneasy. But I was reminded this week that I can't wander in the desert simply out of comfort. I need to hold strong to my faith, step out and move forward. Forward is the only way to go. It helps  a little that the Army is giving us a shove. BUT.. it's not just the physical move that my family and I have to make. I have to change my heart and embrace what is to come. I have to be optimistic and accepting of the changes about the arrive. I don't know what is to come but I do know that God has a plan for us there. He has never let us down. Each day this month God has reminded me to trust him. We have exciting things coming. Our promise land is right around the corner, but we'll never find it if we stay put, stubborn and heart broken.

Is it wrong to grieve what is lost? I don't think so. But I don't think we need to get stagnant in that place either. So, with a new year on the horizon, what are you holding on to that is simply for comfort? What decision do you need to make but you are fearful of? Lets make a vow right now to take a step in a new direction. Choose to move forward and allow God to show you the amazing blessings he has in store for you in 2015!

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My youngest son has the sweetest giggles. He loves anything that involves a ball, sword or super hero. His idea of a good time is anything that makes my heart stop in fear he's going to hurt himself. He is all boy. On the good and bad days, he stays true to himself: sweet, energetic and a tad on the feisty side. As a mama to a gentle spirited older son who's idea of a good time is crafts and cuddling with mom, my little B was an adjustment. His stubbornness and aggressive all boy behavior has often frustrated me, but no matter what B never waivered. He has stayed true to the little boy God created him to be. I wish I was more like that. I tend to be a gentle spirit as well, eager to please and always wanting to do the right thing. I love helping others and will sacrifice my own needs for others if need be. It's who I am. It's taken me a long time to learn and appreciate the real me, to recognize my strengths and my weaknesses. I will admit that people pleasing is one of my weaknesses. I don't want to let anyone down. The disease to please.

This year has been a year of incredible personal growth for me.. I've learned so much about myself, the good and bad, but it wasn't until recently that I noticed the repercussions of my disease to please. My husband and children were the ones making the sacrifice. It was no longer just my sacrifice. The anxiety of letting people down or sacrificing the wants and needs of my family was wearing me thin. I couldn't do it all. I had to make a choice.  The sad thing is, it took me months to make the choice. MONTHS. But I did it, I made the choice I needed to make. For the first time in a long time, I was true to who I was and chose my family. I chose to take my time back, to be the wife and mother my family deserves. The tormenting anxiety to be and do everything is gone. I am free, free to spend as much time with my boys as I want, to close the world down and invest in my marriage, to put my time into the things that I love and am called to do. I just wish I had done this months ago.

My choice wasn't the popular choice. I've lost friends and the life I thought I wanted but I'm here and I'm smiling because I had the courage to stay true to who I was. Today I want to share this experience with you to remind you it okay to say no, to stop doing things simply to please others. We have to stay true to who we are. We have to remember what is most important and we have to learn the difference between a yes and the best yes. Sometimes our best yes is a simple "no thank you". God made each of us beautiful, unique and gifted, but he didn't make us superwomen. As we get closer to Christmas with the demands of parties and obligations lets not forget that God didn't design us to be everything to everyone. He made us precious mothers, daughters and friends. Lets not over extend ourselves in an attempt to please everyone, instead lets choose to stay true to who we are and invest in the things we love most, even when it's not the popular choice. Stay true to you my beautiful friend. There is freedom in being the unique and beautiful woman God created you to be!

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You are going to love me for this one. Christmas is just around the corner and parties and family gatherings are plentiful. You know as well as I do that Christmas parties wouldn't be complete without a spread of delicious foods. Well,  here is a great alternative to some of the less healthier options. It will satisfy your sweet tooth but not set you back as far as some of the others. Granted, it does have chocolate chips.. but make them dark and enjoy in moderation. Okay?! 

Happy Snacking!

Healthy Cookie Dough Recipe

• 1.5 cups canned garbanzo (chickpeas) or white beans drained and rinsed
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 1/8 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup Almond nut butter (or your favorite nut butter)
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/3 cup chocolate chips (I used dark chocolate)
• 3 tbsp Quick Oats

1. Add all ingredients except for the chocolate chips to a food processor and blend until very smooth. It will be very similar in consistency to chocolate chip cookie dough.
2. Stir in chocolate chips.
3. Chill in refrigerator at least 2-3 hours before eating.

The chilling in the fridge part is crucial, so trust me on that one. Serve with graham crackers or even apple slices. Yummo!

Original recipe is HERE

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Hope. That was the topic of the Christmas women's brunch this morning that I attended. I sit here with emotions swirling around in my heart. The need to get it out in text is so strong yet I can't find the words to express what I need to say. Today I was reminded of God's faithfulness and that no matter how impossible things seem, nothing is impossible with God. God has this incredible way of taking our broken, dirty ashes and turning them into something beautiful. It truly was a beautiful message. So, as I drove away watching the rain hit my windshield I asked God what he wanted me to get out of this message. I heard amazing stories and inspirational messages but what was my take away? God is so faithful. When you get into that quiet place and call on Him.. he shows up. As I drove down the highway, he whispered to my heart "Trust me".

You see... my family and I are about to begin a rather large transition where we will be separated for several months, living with family, then moving and starting new all over again; new home, new school, new friends, new life. It's the military way. I love it.. but we just did this 16 months ago. It took me over a year to find my groove here.. to find friends.. and now we have to leave. I don't know how it's possible, but deep inside my heart is full, yet hurting. It's full for the incredible blessings that we've experienced during these 16 months.. amazing God Sized blessings... blessing that only God could do. Yet, in it all, my heart doesn't want to leave. We are moving into a world of the unknown.. a season where a deployment is likely, where there will be more change, more adjustments and a lot of walking by faith rather than by sight. I'm okay with that. I couldn't do this life without God by my side but it's still scary and at the end of the day my heart aches at the thought that we will have to drive away from this place in a few short weeks. It was here that God broke me, stripped me and began building me up the way He wanted me. I've endured some unusually odd obstacles this year and yet I'm coming out on top rejoicing. It was here that he took my marriage and began transforming it.. making it better, by making ME better. It was here that he truly began moving in my husband, transforming him in incredible ways. We have been blessed in Virginia and now it's time to go. Today I was reminded that I need to trust him in this transition and onward to the next season of our life, that I need to have HOPE for the future, that He is with us wherever we go. I can't cling onto the past or even the present, I have to move forward, trusting Him that we will be okay and that He has exciting new adventures for us.

So, my beautiful friends, let today be a day that you put your trust in God. No matter what this season of your life looks like or how big the obstacles ahead appear. Find comfort in knowing that we can trust him and have hope for the future. God has the power to make something beautiful out of your ashes, if you let him. Be reminded that He is with you always and it walking with you every step of the way. Be blessed today!

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You will have to excuse my absence, life has been crazy here this week. Crazy with a capital C. The packers will be here in 10 days  and we begin our cross country move in two weeks. You throw that on top of Christmas activities, preparing my schedule to homeschool  and just enough toddler-isms to make me a tad crazy and you've had my week. On Tuesday my little guy climbed up on top of our table while we were making Christmas ornaments and knocked his cup of hot chocolate off the table, sending glass shattering and hot chocolate all over my already messy kitchen. Wednesday was extra special. After a rather intense crying episode because he couldn't find a lego sword that he HAD to have, he took one step up my book shelf and sent all my pretty willow tree figurines crashing to the floor.  We lost legs and even a head, but have no fear, my son came out unscratched.  On days like these, I don't know if I should just laugh or cry. Well, on this particularly day I chose option 3. You mama's know which one this one is... I lost my cool.  I fussed at my kids, I even fussed at my poor husband who arrived on the scene shortly after the decapitation of my beloved willow tree. In my attempt to have this nice evening, it all went wrong and I ended up making it worse by fussing at everyone. I won't even go into the fact that the dinner I spend 1 1/2 hours on turned out not so awesome and made my husband sick.   So, as I poured myself into bed last night I was thankful that the day was over and for grace. I was gonna need a little extra of that.

I think us moms put way too much pressure on ourselves. We want everything to be perfect, we want things to go our way and we put way too much on our plate. We forget that the reality of life is messy. I don't have the magic answer here. I don't think there is an answer other than that we aren't alone on this journey of motherhood. Even if our messy lives, God cares for us. I have found comfort in 1 Peter 5:6-7 this week. It says, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." Sometimes I could stand to be more humble and admit that I'm a mess in need of a Savior. On days were I fuss at my kids, make a not so fabulous meal and can't get my day under control, I need that extra dose of grace. I need to know that no matter how messy I get I have a father in heaven who cares for me and cares about my struggles. So moms, don't be discouraged. Take some time today to hop off the crazy train and find comfort in the arms of our heavenly father. He knows our worries,  stresses and desperate need of chocolate to survive the messy times that motherhood often brings. Lets hand over our cares to Him because He cares for us. Lets face it, sometimes that's all we need.. to know that someone truly cares and is listening. So today, speak, He will listen. Be blessed today mamas and wish me luck. Today I have to declutter toy boxes. Someone send over the chocolate, I may need it!

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