Yesterday my heart skipped a beat as the white moving truck pulled up in front of our house. They were early. I wasn't ready. Honestly, I don't think I would have ever been ready. It's a unique feeling to watch nearly everything you own being boxed up and shuffled out the door into a large moving truck, especially when you know you won't see it for months. Four months to be exact. Our things are moving without us, ahead of us to our new destination. They will sit in storage for 4 months until we are ready. As I watched the movers do their thing my heart ached as I watched another chapter of our life close. This chapter has been very short, only 16 months. Others chapters for us were ready to be closed. We were excited to move on to our next adventure, to see and do new things. Happy. Positive. Anticipation. We were ready to go.  I don't know exactly why my family and I don't feel that way this time. Each of us are holding on.. when we really don't have much to hold on to. We haven't been here long enough to put many roots down or build many strong relationships. If there was a desert, this would have been it, dry and a little lonely at times. Yet here we are clinging on. Yesterday afternoon my son burst into tears the moment he got into our car after school. His safe place, as if he'd been holding back the tears all day. As soon as he saw mama, he cried. Crying for missed opportunities and fear he would miss the pajama party happening on Friday. He's been waiting in anticipation for the pajama party and it just happens to be the day we are moving. Heartache.

I've been searching for peace for weeks. We wanted this, this move is a GOOD thing. My husband is taking on a new and better position as work. We will be closer to family and have new opportunities to grow. It's all positive. So why are we holding on so tight to this life we have here that is honestly kinda mediocre? Well, the answer hit me this week while I was on my run. (Seriously, running is better than therapy). I realized that it's not that we are holding on to something we love, we are holding onto the comfort of what we have. We are comfortable here.. comfortable with our routine, our home, and the life we are living.. even though it's kinda like a desert; dry and a little on the lonely side. Our need to have that security of our comfort zone is the true reason to our heartache. Instead we are exchanging comfort for 4 months of transition then moving on to the land of the unknown. New house, new school, new friends, new job.. an entirely new life. Let me tell you, it's scary! My husband laid in bed last night and we talked about what was to come; the weight on his shoulders as HE makes a life change with his career. It's not just weighing on me and the boys, it's weighing on him too. Our mediocre desert type life sounds pretty good right now.

That comfort zone can be a tricky and dangerous thing. My mind flashes  to the Israelites as they wandered the desert for 40 years waiting on their promise land.  They didn't trust God and disobeyed him, which in return left them wandering for 40 years. They had a promise from God that was everything they ever wanted but because of their lack of faith they suffered for far way too long. It's easy to stay stuck in a place of little faith worrying about what is to come next. It's easy to look at the unknown path ahead and be fearful. I know I have. I look ahead at an unknown path and I get uneasy. But I was reminded this week that I can't wander in the desert simply out of comfort. I need to hold strong to my faith, step out and move forward. Forward is the only way to go. It helps  a little that the Army is giving us a shove. BUT.. it's not just the physical move that my family and I have to make. I have to change my heart and embrace what is to come. I have to be optimistic and accepting of the changes about the arrive. I don't know what is to come but I do know that God has a plan for us there. He has never let us down. Each day this month God has reminded me to trust him. We have exciting things coming. Our promise land is right around the corner, but we'll never find it if we stay put, stubborn and heart broken.

Is it wrong to grieve what is lost? I don't think so. But I don't think we need to get stagnant in that place either. So, with a new year on the horizon, what are you holding on to that is simply for comfort? What decision do you need to make but you are fearful of? Lets make a vow right now to take a step in a new direction. Choose to move forward and allow God to show you the amazing blessings he has in store for you in 2015!