I picked one heck of a time to give up sugar. With the holidays over, I took on the task, like many others, to dump the junk and get back on track. Refocused! I read recently that our brain behaves the same way when we have sugar as we do when we ingest cocaine. Crazy, right? You know, while I've never done cocaine.. sugar, more specifically chocolate, does make me feel pretty good. It can make a bad day just a little better. Feeling down? A brownie sundae can cure that. Probably not the BEST way to handle life, but it's my default, or was. Over the past year I've recognized my dependence on sugar and have come to the realization that I can't just have a little. It's all or nothing for me. So, with the new year I'm in the "nothing" phase again. It's a daily choice and it all honesty I feel better when I'm not enslaved to my cravings. Now... when I was making my new years plans, I didn't take into consideration that my husband would be gone, that I would be doing the single parent thing, that I may be a little overwhelmed and a tad on the lonely side. I've done this separation thing many times, but I've always had my BFF chocolate there with me. It's been my coping mechanism until now. (Seriously, how sad is that?!) So, with no sugar in sight and determined to do this.. I've been doing a little more praying. Praying because it's really all I have right now. I keep reminding God of his promises. He promises to hear my prayers and to comfort me, to sustain me, to fill in my gaps and to give me the strength I need to get through each day.

This morning I woke up rather unmotivated. I got up early because that's what I normally do, but I would have rather slept in. I wasn't looking forward to the day. I just felt blah. Have you ever had one of those mornings? Like you'd rather just climb back in bed and hide? Well, that was me. I opened my bible and ended up in Phillipians 4:8. I was reminded that I need to focus on the good things, on the things that make the smile, on the many blessings in my life. I could sit here all day feeling down, focusing on all the things I can't change or I can focus on the positives. I can choose to have hope for the future and focus on good things or I can wallow in my bad day. As I was praying, asking God to give me joy in the here and now, he spoke directly to my heart and told me that having joy is a choice. I have to choose to have joy. I'll be frank and admit that it would be so much easier if God just gave it to me, if I woke up each day happy and full of joy; a perfect little gift from God. Unforutnatly I'm learning that that's not particularly how it works. We have to do our part and for me, that means changing my perspective and focusing on the good things. When I wake up on mornings like today feeling kinda blah, I can choose to continue on that path, poisoning every area of my day, or I can focus on the positives. I can smile, I can laugh and I can boldly expect God to fill in my gaps and give me the strength to get through another day.

So, on this Monday I'm choosing to have joy. I'm going to smile, love on my babies and make this week a good one. I'm going to focus on the good rather than the bad and lean on God more than I ever have. As much as I feel like I need chocolate I know that there is nothing that can satisfy me more than Him.

Add a comment »

It's 6:35 and I hear the creaking of a door. I hold my breath, which one of my little people is awake already?! I always do a tiny pity party when my boys wake up so early. I sacrifice my own sleep so I can have a few hours in the morning for me. Not to mention, an early wake up means a cranky afternoon. Ugh. So, today it's the little one...not good. It's going to be a rough day.  I smile and greet him with a warm hug. It's the mom life.. and these days.. the single mom life. Today the hubs goes off the grid for this special training. No contact at all for an undetermined amount of time. We knew it was coming.. and now it's here. It's the military life and in all honestly, we have truly been blessed with few separations over the past few years. I really can't complain, I have friends that continuously endure much worse. But with any separation there is stress, stress of missing dad, stress of parenting alone and this time.. the stress of having an older son who is old enough to truly understand. He doesn't like it and he doesn't even want to talk about dad because it makes him sad. This is a first for us. It can leave a mom feeling unsettled and unsure, just praying that this season goes by quickly and we can get on to our new normal. It's times like this  I wish I was walking along the water near my old house in Virginia. God's presence was so powerful there. There was so much comfort and answers to my many concerns along that waters edge. I wish I had the undeniable reassurance that everything will be okay, that whatever season we are in, no matter what we are going through, it will all work itself out. We all want that, but often times we don't have this booming voice from heaven telling us the good news. Sometimes it's more subtle.

That's what life is like for me these days, little whispers of hope each day, just enough to keep me going and reminding me of God's faithfulness. I'm reminded of the importance of having hope, that even though things may not be exactly how I want them in the moment, I can still hope for a better future. I'm reminded that the struggle is only temporary, but God has a plan for us that is far greater than we could ever imagine. So, today I'm holding on to those little whispers of hope. I'm loving my babies and doing what I can with what I have. I am blessed and loved, what else can I ask for (besides a little less whining..lol)?

Add a comment »

I kicked off my new years goals a little late. Monday seemed like a better day to start any way. As I mentioned previously, lots of changes going on in the Griffin family and we are well  under way. The hubs is off to his training school, the boys and I kick started our homeschooling and this mama is back to her "healthy living" way of life. Day one went great, all things considering. The boys are missing dad and my little guy is responding with increased temper tantrums and irritability. Poor baby is approaching 3 and doesn't quite understand. Trying to balance love and understanding with discipline is always a struggle but more so when dad is away, when the whole family feels the ache. It's tough. THEN, just because that wasn't enough my big boy X came down with a fever last night and is now sick. I went to bed a frazzled mess and woke up sore from my workout and less motivated then the awesomeness of Monday. Isn't that just the life of new years resolutions (or setting new goals for that matter)? I should have known that Jeremy leaving would create some form of uproar. It always done, ask any military wife. The moment the husband leaves, everything breaks, someone gets sick and the urge to cry over a pint of ice cream is way to powerful to resist. So, here we are day 2 and I'm filling the urge to throw my hands up in the air to quit. Have you ever felt that way? Like you are so motivated to make those changes but before you can get a handle on your new life, something (or a whole lot of somethings) pop up and totally zap any motivation that you had just a few days ago (or yesterday?!)

Yeah, so that's where I'm at today. Scrambling to find my way through the obstacles that have been plopped on my lap. As I sit here re-planning my day to accommodate a sick kiddo, I'm reminded of grace and the importance of not giving up. So what if I can't stick to the schedule I have laid out in my pretty little planner or if we don't get to the fun activities I had planned for today. I'm going to work with what I have and do my best, then I'm going to give myself a little grace to continue forward again tomorrow. Will I get everything I want accomplished today? I have no idea but I'm going to do my best with what I have. X and I may sit and read for a bit  and work on some fun map activities. I may snuggle my little guy a little more and give him extra love and I may go on a run this evening rather than this morning. Who knows.. but I have too much to lose to give up and so do you. So, my lovely ladies... whatever your goals are for this year, if you made one and are already feeling the pressure of life creeping in.. don't forget that it's okay to give yourself a little grace. Just remember to do your best with what you have and don't give up. That's it! As long as you keep moving forward and doing SOMETHING every day that will get you closer to your goal, you WILL get there.

Add a comment »

The new year is upon us!I love the sense of hope that comes with a new beginning. Anything is possible. However, as exciting as it is to dream of all the ways we want to improve, it's also so easy to fall back into old habits. Change is difficult and lefts face it, it doesn't happen as quickly as we like. This year I made a goal to slow down, to take the time to simply be present with my family, my husband and friends. In a society that is so success and money driven, the concept of  taking a step back isn't always the popular choice. I'm okay with that. You know, I barely remember Christmas 2013. I don't remember the looks on my kids faces on Christmas morning, I don't remember all the family outings we had.. nothing. I was too busy planning my next business move and focusing on myself. Scary huh? It's so easy to get caught up in the lies that success and money will make us happy. Now, don't get me wrong.. I love accomplishment and money just as much as the next girl, but I'm slowly learning (the hard way) that at the end of the day there are more important things. I love what is said in Ecclesiastes on this topic: " Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; and this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done. And on the labor in which I had toiled; and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun." (Ecc 2:10-11)

You know, I used to think I'd be happy when I reached a certain point of success. When my bank account had a certain amount in it, I would have the FREEDOM to do what I wanted and be happy. To live life by my design. It made complete sense to sacrifice the here and now for later. Every success driven book will tell you that it's okay; sacrifice now for the life you want later. I'm questioning this logic these days. These days I'm counting the cost of my sacrifice. Is it truly worth it? In some instances, I say absolutely! It's worth the sacrifice of tasty foods to have good health or the sacrifice of shopping trips to be debt free. In some instances, sacrifice is necessary in order to reach our goals. Each day I sacrifice a few hours of extra sleep in the morning to read and invest in myself. It's worth it. I just encourage you to weigh the costs before you dig in. Not all sacrifices are created equal.

I truly believe there is a time and season for everything. As much as I would love to have everything I want on my schedule, it doesn't always happen that way. As moms it's so hard to find the balance between our inner desires and those of the little people in our lives. My desire for success can so easily become my main focus that I forget about my greatest calling, and that is the title of mom and wife. These days I'm reminding myself that God makes everything beautiful in His time (Ecc 3:11), that God has an incredible plan for me, it's just on his timeline and not mine. So my dear success driven friends, as the new year kicks off and you are pursuing your awesome goals, don't forget to slow down. Don't forget to make time for the things that matter the most and don't be discouraged if things don't unfold as quickly or as smoothly as you'd like. Embrace the season you are in and continue moving forward. When we surrender to God's perfect timing, we will truly be blessed.

Add a comment »