Hello sweet friends, it's been a bit, hasn't it? It's been a long time since I've filled this space. I've been waiting... waiting for the time when God would speak to my heart and tell me "it's time".  There is a season for everything and I was so thankful that God pulled me out of one season to climb on the mountaintop of another. That's where I've been, on an amazing mountaintop sharing God's Word and loving people. He took me away from my computer to get messy with real life. It was Amazing, it was Rewarding and my oh my was it hard! I learned so much and was blessed in so many ways. Now, as I sit here I'm thankful for that wonderful season and have found myself settled into a peaceful valley, It's like a lush green valley, with God's love and provision everywhere, yet there are steep mountains on every side, keeping me right here.






I've found myself in a season on waiting, of trusting, and for a busy gal like me, that is hard. Waiting is hard on us isn't it? We live in a world where everything is instant. I get impatient if I wait more then 15 seconds for my browser to pull up Facebook. Waiting is an inconvenience and not something we enjoy. We want it all, right now. Waiting often makes us question if there is a problem. Is there something wrong with my router? Is that why my internet is running slow? Did I hear God wrong? Am I waiting because I heard God wrong somewhere along the way? I've been pouring over this question lately. "God, what is it you want me to do? This valley is beautiful and all, I am thankful for your blessings and provision as I sit here, but what is my next assignment? Where is my next assignment? What is wrong?" 

Have you every felt that way? Like you've been in a season of waiting, waiting to hear from God, waiting for God to show up in some way, yet He is quiet? Well, sweet friend, you aren't alone. As I pondered this this morning, God impressed on my heart the value of waiting, that maybe it's less about us waiting and more about us being willing to trust Him in the process. In the quiet (or chaos) of the valley He whispers, "Will you trust me to work all of this out for you?" "Will you sit here and let me fight these battles for you?" "Will you embrace this season of waiting and worship Me anyway?"


Waiting is hard, but today I'm looking at it with new eyes. Today I want to see waiting as a reason for worship, not because of what I'm seeing but because of  what I'm NOT seeing. I'm choosing to worship and thank God for all the unseen things He is doing behind the scenes to work everything out. Someday I will find my way out of this valley and if you've been blessed to be in a similar valley with me,  you will too. It may not be today or tomorrow, but that day will come. Until then lets thank God for being a God that cares, a God that loves and a God that works all things out for good for those that love Him.

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I read recently that you have to live something before you can successfully write about it. I found that to be powerful and so accurate. The words have been slow to come for me but now I understand that I had to do some living before I could really share. I had to gain wisdom that only comes from going through the trenches and coming back out the other side. Over the past year I've found this to be particularly so in regards to my body image and how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror and even more so when I step on the scale. I can safely say I've been in a major slump when it comes to my fitness routine over the past year. Leaving behind my coaching community took away that structure and accountability. I went through  some major life changes with a move, a new home and a new way of life and making me a priority became harder and harder. I no longer enjoyed running or working out. It became a chore, one I forced myself to do about once a week. I gained some weight and all I could think about was were I had been. I was on top of my game.. I was the thinnest and fittest I'd ever been. I had a 6 pack for goodness sake! I found myself wondering how I'd gotten so far off track and wondered if I'd ever get back there. Then one day I had a Aha! moment... one that caused a complete shift in my thinking: Even at my thinnest I still wasn't happy with myself. I've been unhappy with my body at every weight, at every age. There was nothing wrong with my body, it was my mind that needed the makeover. 

I let that thought sink deep into my soul and vowed I would stop beating myself up for everything that I wasn't. I needed to eliminate the lies and negative self talk I told myself each day and begin seeing myself through new eyes. I wanted to see myself the way my Father in heaven sees me.. even if I wasn't sure exactly what that was. I just knew that God loved me and if He could love me right where I am, it was possible for me to love myself as well, flaws and all. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." We are taught in the Bible that we don't have to entertain or believe every thought that comes into our mind. We can take unhealthy thoughts captive and kick them out before they settle deep within our hearts, so that's exactly what I started to do. It wasn't easy and I can honestly say I still struggle daily, but each morning when I look in the mirror and am tempted to tear myself apart for all the things I'm not I refuse to go there. I remind myself that I am loved for exactly who I am and then move on with my day. I refuse to stand on that scale or spend unnecessary time critiquing myself in the mirror. My beauty and everything that makes me who I am isn't defined by a number or reflection. It's defined by who I am in Christ and THAT is what I'm learning is enough for me. 

Is this easy? Absolutely not. It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I even feel comfortable sharing. BUT.. I can honestly say that practicing this, day in and day out is helping. I feel more peace and have been able to slowly loosen the chains of a unhealthy body image. I read something recently in my bible study class that was a great tool for this. It's called the 30 second rule (Adapted from Ron Carpenter, Relationship Builder: 30 second rule). It says that it's scientifically proven that when we have a thought enter our minds we have about 30 seconds to address it before our feelings start to set in. After the 30 seconds have passed we are likely to develop a relationship with that thought. We can become emotionally invested and that's how these cycles of negative self talk can get out of hand.  

So how do we stop this cycle? We stop entertaining these lies. We address the issue before it settles into our hearts. We CHOOSE to kick out these negative thoughts before we start believing (and obsessing over them). My sweet friends, the enemy doesn't want us feeling victorious (Romans 8:37) and he definitely doesn't want us shining bright for Jesus (Matthew 5:14). His scheme is to break us down so we don't feel worthy enough to do what we are called to do. I struggle with this and I know many of you do too. Today lets not forget who we are, lets take those negative thoughts captive and decide each day that we are greater than the negative voice inside our head.

 

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I love summer. I love sleeping in a little later, camping, roasting smores over the campfire, fun day trips, watching my kids ride their bikes back and forth down our street and even the sweet smell of the grass as the sun sets on another hot day. I can almost feel the memories being made by my sweet boys, the way I did as a young girl. Summer can be a fun and magical time, unless your a mom and it's pool time. Everything about summer is great, until it's time to slip on that swimsuit or even worse go out and buy a new swimsuit. It can bring some anxiety and stir up some insecurities that we didn't even know we had. Many moms brave the pool or lake side with a pull over, shorts or towel around their waist. Some don't even do it at all, they simply refuse to get in one. I recently went through the experience of buying another swimsuit. I needed one that I felt comfortable taking a group of boys to the pool with, one with some modesty, that stayed on despite tugs from my little guy and yet somehow didn't make me look like an old maid. The anxiety of the experience still wells up in me as I think back. If you've looked at the swimsuit racks lately, you know what I'm talking about. I find myself wondering, who actually designs these swimsuits and most importantly who labels them with the appropriate size?! It's like they are on a mission to lower the self esteem of women all over the country. After a short 15 minutes in the dressing room I can admit that their mission was accomplished. Even though I found one that was acceptable, I left filling beat up. The thing is, even when I was my fittest and thinnest I still felt that way. I realized that there wasn't anything wrong with my body but everything wrong with the swimsuits on those racks. I chose then to not lot a piece of fabric define me and you shouldn't either. 

Ive spent a lot of time standing in front of the mirror critiquing myself over the years. I could make a list a mile long of all the things I wished I could do better or ways I could look better. I don't know when this happened, at what point as a young girl did I stop loving myself for who I was and started wishing I was better. I can blame the media and all those Victoria Secret swimsuit catalogs I used to flip through for this but at the end of the day I think it goes so much deeper. At one point I had to ask myself: Are the things I'm saying to myself true or lies coming to me from the enemy? The last time I checked my bible didn't say anything about me not being enough or me being fat or unworthy. In fact, my bible says quite the opposite. It says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), that I shine like stars in the sky (Phil 2:15), that I am victorious (Romans 8:37).  I don't know about you but I'm tired of living by the lies that I'm not good enough. Do I look like the supermodels in that catalog, of course not, but at the end of the day does that really matter? My value goes way beyond any swimsuit and as a believer in Christ I am flawless in the eyes of my Creator. 

I made a promise to myself recently that I would no longer stand in front of the mirror and beat myself up or allow myself to believe the lies that so easily slip in. I had to remind myself that I have a choice. It's up to me and I'm choosing the freedom that comes from the truth. I'm choosing to take care of this body I've been blessed with and let that be enough, even if it doesn't produce a Victoria Secret body. I am beautiful and so are you, no matter what those lies have said or what the reflection in the mirror says. My dear friend, as those swimsuits come out I encourage you to remind yourself of your true value and beauty and stop the lies before they settle in your heart. Slip on that swimsuit with pride and enjoy yourself. You are beautiful, just the way you are.

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I sit here, fingers on the keys, eager to tell you something that has been on my heart for a long time. I've went back and forth about what to say, how to say it or if I should say it at all. It makes me vulnerable and real and that's not always an easy thing to do. Last month I celebrated my 2nd anniversary as a health and fitness coach. My first year was met with excitement and hope for another year. I met A LOT of my goals in 2014. I reached a rank in my coaching business that most coaches dream to be and my pay check reflected that. I was motivated, dedicated and on fire. All the things us empowered women desire. I was living the dream and staying at home with my kids in the process. Perfect right? Then last summer, I got hurt. What appeared as an injury turned out to be a developmental issue in my spine that I've had all along. It just decided to make it's grand appearance just a few months shy of my 30th birthday. Yay me! So for 6 months I was out, out of my routine, away from my workouts and doing a lot of walking. Nothing is more humbling than training for a marathon and being in the best shape of your life to getting winded on a walk. It was tough and I was angry. Since then, I've gained 10lbs and an entirely new perspective on life and my body. The issue of body image is a tricky one for us women. We can look at our bodies and hate it or we can look at our bodies and worship it in all of it's awesome-ness. The problem is, neither of them are good. Let me explain...

For many women we spend a lifetime looking in the mirror and critiquing what we see. We want to lose weight, tone up...if only... we say...If only I lost 20lbs, if only these thighs would melt away or if only I had ab definition. If our wishes came true our life would be so much better and we could finally love ourselves. The truth is, at least for me, that if only day never came because once I got it, it wasn't enough. I lost 45lbs, had rock hard abs and great legs. I had the body I had always wanted yet it wasn't enough. I still critiqued my body in the mirror and when I wasn't doing that I was spending way to much time admiring my awesome-ness and taking an obscene amount of selfies.  My daily thoughts were consumed with my body; calculating every calorie I put in my body, pushing my body to it's limits, and taking way too many pictures to post on FB to help "motivate" others to do the same. Little did I know that I had found myself on a slippery slope. What started off as a healthy goal turned into me on some crazy train. When I thought I was moving straight towards my goals, I was in fact getting further and further away from the things that mattered most. Somewhere along the way I had made myself my own god, one that was separating me from where I really wanted to be. The sad thing is, is that I didn't even realize it. It took me getting hurt and sick and whatever that season of my life was to realize that I was way off target. I had been consumed by the health and fitness industry and thankfully God loved me enough to send me a wake up call; a wake up call to remind me that there are more important things going on around me than that image in the mirror and some crazy goal I set for myself.

I will say that this blog post and my message will not be a popular one, especially among my peers. We are living in a society that is overweight, so naturally we want to promote health and fitness. As a health and fitness coach, we want to inspire others to finally take those steps to being healthy. However, I think there is an entire culture of women that have taken things to the extreme, where they are making incredible sacrifices, going "ALL IN", depriving themselves all for the sake of an image in the mirror (or even better on Facebook.. to show all of you!) I find myself wondering where is the balance? Where is the woman that is healthy but also goes for pizza on Friday night? Where is the woman that takes care of her body but doesn't beat herself up if she misses a few workouts because she's traveling or because she's sick? I don't know about you but I want to be inspired by that woman. I want to follow the woman that invests in her family and herself. I want to follow the woman that is real. I've been the extreme. I've lived the life and reached the goals and I found it unrewarding. I found a marriage that was stressed and a home that lacked the peace it once had, peace brought by a woman who had balance and gave herself a little more grace.

Now, let me clarify, I am NOT saying it's wrong to have goals and to totally rock your workouts. I'm NOT saying it's wrong to motivate others by your awesomeness. I just want to send you, my beautiful friends, a gentle message that it's okay not to be extreme. In a culture that says you have to have a smoken hot body, please know it's okay to just be happy with who you are. It's okay to live a life of balance. As a health and fitness coach, I encourage you to focus on your health by staying active and putting healthy foods in your body. However, the new me also encourages you to go for ice cream with your children on a Saturday night or leave your running shoes at home on your weekend getaway with your husband so you can enjoy those morning snuggles a little longer. As women, lets lead a balanced life where it's okay to be real, where  we focus on our health but it's not our ONLY focus. As Jesus girls, lets not let our bodies become our god. Instead lets pray a little more, rely on Him a little more and give ourselves a little extra grace because heaven knows at the end of the day we all need it.

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Facebook is an interesting thing. It's a great place to keep in touch with old friends, make new ones and waste a little time (errr... a lot of time). Its the perfect setting to encourage others and lift them up or break people down and be brutally hateful.  It's interesting to see the posting trends of people, whether it's the debate over vaccinations, politics or even movie choices. We all have an opinion and it's the ideal soapbox for what we have to say. I also find it interesting how each person's Facebook newsfeed is unique to them. When I happen to catch my husband's newsfeed on my computer rather than my own. I see a heavy dose of news stations, UFC updates and a balanced mixture of gun posts and pictures of incredibly expensive Jeeps. It suits him quite well. Mine isn't so exciting. I have a lot of mamas, health and fitness enthusiasts and Christian inspiration. It reflects me pretty well until a debate comes along. Mamas and Christians can go from wonderfully delightful people to very judgmental and condemning, just being real here. It makes me tempted to just close things down and politely remove myself from the party. Why do we have to be this way? Why do we have to judge and condemn others because we don't see things the same way as they do? It's human nature I suppose...

I read an article yesterday about Katy Perry. It said that before the Superbowl she tweeted a bible verse and then said she heard God whisper to her heart "You got this..." If you know anything about Katy Perry you know that she grew up Christian. Her father is currently a pastor of a church. Well, the uproar of the Christian community was ridiculous. Many were not supportive of the fact that a delinquent such as Katy Perry would hear God's voice, not to mention encouraging her right before she went on stage to sing "I kissed a girl and I liked it". You should have read the condemnation and judgement that was being passed along through text. It was a train wreck I couldn't look away from. I get it, She's not the most sound role model and is possibly living a life with some sin in it. But who the heck isn't?! That's what I want to talk about today...

For many of us Jesus girls, we know what is right or wrong because we are reading our bibles. We pray for others, maybe go to church and do our best to be kind and a light to others. We know it's wrong to lie, steal and cheat.. and to kiss and girl and like it.. (haha). It's EASY to feel like we have it all together compared to others and that OUR sin is not on the same level as others, especially Katy Perry. I get it. It's EASY to judge, but it's also VERY easy to turn people away from Jesus and His good news by our condemnation and judgmental attitudes. Why would anyone want to be a Christian if it meant acting that way? We have to be careful my fellow Jesus girls. We have to be very careful. If we truly want to be a light to others, we need to shine a light of love. Do we have to agree with everything everyone does? Absolutely not, but we should above everything else love others with our words and actions. 1 Peter 4:8 says, "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins." I believe that Jesus meets us right in our mess. He comes to us in the trenches but loves us enough to not leave us there. He takes our hand and leads us out of the darkness. BUT.. for anyone that has ever been in the trenches, you know that coming into the light and the walk that we take with Jesus doesn't happen overnight. It's a process, often times a very slow process. It's little seeds that are planted that bloom overtime. So, shouldn't we as Christians give love and enough grace to let GOD do HIS part? Shouldn't we entrust our fellow mamas and friends to the hands of our Creator and let him do what He does best? I don't know if God spoke to Katy Perry or not. I don't know if He's working in her life, but I do know that Jesus loves her. I do know that he loves ALL of us sinners, equally the same. I know He loves the mamas that choose the vaccinate and the mamas that don't. I know he loves that girl that went to see 50 Shades of Grey and the one that stayed home. I know he loves the girl that kisses other girls and the one that doesn't. We don't have to agree with what others do, but we are called to love them. So, lets stop judging others. Lets be a light that reflects Christs' love, even if they aren't living the life we think they should. And most importantly, lets stop making it about us vs. them. The enemy is very sneaky. He wants to turn us against each other. Today, lets decide to love despite our differences. Lets give others enough grace to led God do His work in them.  Today lets let God be God because He is the only one that can change people.

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Today is the morning of my husband's military graduation. It's been a grueling 5 weeks for him and a very lonely and challenging 5 weeks for the boys and I. As I type this, 5 weeks sounds like nothing. As a military wife, 5 weeks IS nothing. We see our guys come and go and we miss them, but life is life and it continues. We stay busy and before we know it we are welcoming them back into our arms. This time has been very different. As I prepare to watch my husband graduate and celebrate his incredible accomplishment, I can't help but look back over the past 5 weeks and just feel worn and just plain ol' tired. I can safely say my husband feels the same way, probably much more so. We've made it to graduation day and I am praising God for his never ending faithfulness. During  these five weeks He has shown up. He has given me what I needed daily to get to this point and has continuously reminded me of his unconditional love for me and my family. We have seen prayers answered and blessing beyond those prayers given. I asked God to show up big in our lives and He did.

Last night as I layed next to my husband for the first time in way too long, I found myself worrying about the next step. This is just the half way point for us. We have another six plus weeks ahead of us, this time I'll be carrying the load as I transition me and the boys to our new home and take on the task of unpacking our household goods while juggling the mommy life and homeschooling. I know I can do it and last night I was reminded of that. In the darkness and among my prayers, God whispered this verse to my heart, "You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, Shall revive me again, And bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness, And comfort me on every side." Psalm 71:20-21. The word revive sticks out so boldly to me in this verse. The word revive means to give new strength or energy to. I don't know about you, but it times of struggle I yearn to be revived, to be given a new strength, to have more energy, to be refreshed. This has been God's promise to me since the day we began this transition and today I look forward to the next step. This morning I am comforted and at peace. God's got this. No need to worry.

I know that the military life is a strange concept for some, there are so many weird acronyms, customs and courtesies.. and why in the world would anyone want to move every 2-3 years?! You may not get it and that's okay. I don't even get it some days, but I think no matter what, we can all agree that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes we come up against obstacles and go through transitions that challenge our inner most beings. We wonder if we'll make it through to the other side as we anxiously pray and hope for just enough strength to get to the next day. Military or civilian, it's human struggle that we all have in common. So whether you are in the middle of a struggle, going through your own transition or even sailing the calm blue seas, my prayer for you today is that you find peace in God's promise you to. God will see you through to the other side. He will not only get you there but He will revive you, restore you and comfort you along the way. There is no need to worry. Let Him be the source of your strength and watch him doing amazing things in YOUR life. Today is a great day!

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In woke up this morning in the crisp linens of a hotel right off the interstate in Mississippi. I snuck out of the room, not to disturb the boys, for a quick cup of coffee in the hotel lobby. Ahhh... I love my early mornings.  As I walked by the front doors of the hotel a man walked in and was greeted by the staff, "Good Morning, Sir! How are you today?" He responded with this: "Ma'am, I am blessed! I woke up this morning. God is good!" I couldn't help but smile. As I walked back to my room, I found myself thinking, "I wish I was that bold when it came to my faith." As a Christian we are told that we are the light of the world. We are to let our light shine out into the world, leading others to Christ. So, as I sat here enjoying my coffee I couldn't help but feel a little convicted. When was the last time I let my light shine? In the daily grind of motherhood and my current single mom life (not for much longer, yay!), am I being that beacon of light to others? Matthew 5:14-16 says, "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lamp stand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine so before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." As I sit here, I have to admit that I have taken my shining lamp and put it under a basket. It's not that it's not glowing, if anything it has never shined brighter, but who can see it if I'm hiding it? In the midst of homeschooling and living in this transition period with family, I've unintentionally put away the very gifts that God has given me. I've been missing so many beautiful opportunities to shine for Christ simply because I'm too busy or "just not feelin'" it.

Each morning when I wake up and open my bible, I pray that God speaks to me through His Word. I find myself searching for the message he wants me to receive for that day. Some days, It's simply His peace knowing that He is there with me, through the craziness of life. Then other times, it's much for bold. It's the undeniable message that he doesn't want me to miss, like this morning. I find myself wondering who else out there is hiding their shining light under a basket? The people that passionately love God but because of the busyness of life forget to be that light on the hill. Yes it takes a little more effort, but what if we all shined our lights a little brighter? What if we encouraged others more, stood in the gap for those in need, and used the gifts that our Father in Heaven gave us to lead others to Christ? What a beautiful picture that would be.  I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm a far cry from that, but today I was reminded of something so important. What's the point of being a Christian if we aren't living the life boldly, loving others and pointing them to the One that is the source of our everything? Today I want to change that.  I am blessed. I woke up this morning, with a new perspective. God IS good!

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I picked one heck of a time to give up sugar. With the holidays over, I took on the task, like many others, to dump the junk and get back on track. Refocused! I read recently that our brain behaves the same way when we have sugar as we do when we ingest cocaine. Crazy, right? You know, while I've never done cocaine.. sugar, more specifically chocolate, does make me feel pretty good. It can make a bad day just a little better. Feeling down? A brownie sundae can cure that. Probably not the BEST way to handle life, but it's my default, or was. Over the past year I've recognized my dependence on sugar and have come to the realization that I can't just have a little. It's all or nothing for me. So, with the new year I'm in the "nothing" phase again. It's a daily choice and it all honesty I feel better when I'm not enslaved to my cravings. Now... when I was making my new years plans, I didn't take into consideration that my husband would be gone, that I would be doing the single parent thing, that I may be a little overwhelmed and a tad on the lonely side. I've done this separation thing many times, but I've always had my BFF chocolate there with me. It's been my coping mechanism until now. (Seriously, how sad is that?!) So, with no sugar in sight and determined to do this.. I've been doing a little more praying. Praying because it's really all I have right now. I keep reminding God of his promises. He promises to hear my prayers and to comfort me, to sustain me, to fill in my gaps and to give me the strength I need to get through each day.

This morning I woke up rather unmotivated. I got up early because that's what I normally do, but I would have rather slept in. I wasn't looking forward to the day. I just felt blah. Have you ever had one of those mornings? Like you'd rather just climb back in bed and hide? Well, that was me. I opened my bible and ended up in Phillipians 4:8. I was reminded that I need to focus on the good things, on the things that make the smile, on the many blessings in my life. I could sit here all day feeling down, focusing on all the things I can't change or I can focus on the positives. I can choose to have hope for the future and focus on good things or I can wallow in my bad day. As I was praying, asking God to give me joy in the here and now, he spoke directly to my heart and told me that having joy is a choice. I have to choose to have joy. I'll be frank and admit that it would be so much easier if God just gave it to me, if I woke up each day happy and full of joy; a perfect little gift from God. Unforutnatly I'm learning that that's not particularly how it works. We have to do our part and for me, that means changing my perspective and focusing on the good things. When I wake up on mornings like today feeling kinda blah, I can choose to continue on that path, poisoning every area of my day, or I can focus on the positives. I can smile, I can laugh and I can boldly expect God to fill in my gaps and give me the strength to get through another day.

So, on this Monday I'm choosing to have joy. I'm going to smile, love on my babies and make this week a good one. I'm going to focus on the good rather than the bad and lean on God more than I ever have. As much as I feel like I need chocolate I know that there is nothing that can satisfy me more than Him.

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It's 6:35 and I hear the creaking of a door. I hold my breath, which one of my little people is awake already?! I always do a tiny pity party when my boys wake up so early. I sacrifice my own sleep so I can have a few hours in the morning for me. Not to mention, an early wake up means a cranky afternoon. Ugh. So, today it's the little one...not good. It's going to be a rough day.  I smile and greet him with a warm hug. It's the mom life.. and these days.. the single mom life. Today the hubs goes off the grid for this special training. No contact at all for an undetermined amount of time. We knew it was coming.. and now it's here. It's the military life and in all honestly, we have truly been blessed with few separations over the past few years. I really can't complain, I have friends that continuously endure much worse. But with any separation there is stress, stress of missing dad, stress of parenting alone and this time.. the stress of having an older son who is old enough to truly understand. He doesn't like it and he doesn't even want to talk about dad because it makes him sad. This is a first for us. It can leave a mom feeling unsettled and unsure, just praying that this season goes by quickly and we can get on to our new normal. It's times like this  I wish I was walking along the water near my old house in Virginia. God's presence was so powerful there. There was so much comfort and answers to my many concerns along that waters edge. I wish I had the undeniable reassurance that everything will be okay, that whatever season we are in, no matter what we are going through, it will all work itself out. We all want that, but often times we don't have this booming voice from heaven telling us the good news. Sometimes it's more subtle.

That's what life is like for me these days, little whispers of hope each day, just enough to keep me going and reminding me of God's faithfulness. I'm reminded of the importance of having hope, that even though things may not be exactly how I want them in the moment, I can still hope for a better future. I'm reminded that the struggle is only temporary, but God has a plan for us that is far greater than we could ever imagine. So, today I'm holding on to those little whispers of hope. I'm loving my babies and doing what I can with what I have. I am blessed and loved, what else can I ask for (besides a little less whining..lol)?

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I kicked off my new years goals a little late. Monday seemed like a better day to start any way. As I mentioned previously, lots of changes going on in the Griffin family and we are well  under way. The hubs is off to his training school, the boys and I kick started our homeschooling and this mama is back to her "healthy living" way of life. Day one went great, all things considering. The boys are missing dad and my little guy is responding with increased temper tantrums and irritability. Poor baby is approaching 3 and doesn't quite understand. Trying to balance love and understanding with discipline is always a struggle but more so when dad is away, when the whole family feels the ache. It's tough. THEN, just because that wasn't enough my big boy X came down with a fever last night and is now sick. I went to bed a frazzled mess and woke up sore from my workout and less motivated then the awesomeness of Monday. Isn't that just the life of new years resolutions (or setting new goals for that matter)? I should have known that Jeremy leaving would create some form of uproar. It always done, ask any military wife. The moment the husband leaves, everything breaks, someone gets sick and the urge to cry over a pint of ice cream is way to powerful to resist. So, here we are day 2 and I'm filling the urge to throw my hands up in the air to quit. Have you ever felt that way? Like you are so motivated to make those changes but before you can get a handle on your new life, something (or a whole lot of somethings) pop up and totally zap any motivation that you had just a few days ago (or yesterday?!)

Yeah, so that's where I'm at today. Scrambling to find my way through the obstacles that have been plopped on my lap. As I sit here re-planning my day to accommodate a sick kiddo, I'm reminded of grace and the importance of not giving up. So what if I can't stick to the schedule I have laid out in my pretty little planner or if we don't get to the fun activities I had planned for today. I'm going to work with what I have and do my best, then I'm going to give myself a little grace to continue forward again tomorrow. Will I get everything I want accomplished today? I have no idea but I'm going to do my best with what I have. X and I may sit and read for a bit  and work on some fun map activities. I may snuggle my little guy a little more and give him extra love and I may go on a run this evening rather than this morning. Who knows.. but I have too much to lose to give up and so do you. So, my lovely ladies... whatever your goals are for this year, if you made one and are already feeling the pressure of life creeping in.. don't forget that it's okay to give yourself a little grace. Just remember to do your best with what you have and don't give up. That's it! As long as you keep moving forward and doing SOMETHING every day that will get you closer to your goal, you WILL get there.

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The new year is upon us!I love the sense of hope that comes with a new beginning. Anything is possible. However, as exciting as it is to dream of all the ways we want to improve, it's also so easy to fall back into old habits. Change is difficult and lefts face it, it doesn't happen as quickly as we like. This year I made a goal to slow down, to take the time to simply be present with my family, my husband and friends. In a society that is so success and money driven, the concept of  taking a step back isn't always the popular choice. I'm okay with that. You know, I barely remember Christmas 2013. I don't remember the looks on my kids faces on Christmas morning, I don't remember all the family outings we had.. nothing. I was too busy planning my next business move and focusing on myself. Scary huh? It's so easy to get caught up in the lies that success and money will make us happy. Now, don't get me wrong.. I love accomplishment and money just as much as the next girl, but I'm slowly learning (the hard way) that at the end of the day there are more important things. I love what is said in Ecclesiastes on this topic: " Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; and this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done. And on the labor in which I had toiled; and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun." (Ecc 2:10-11)

You know, I used to think I'd be happy when I reached a certain point of success. When my bank account had a certain amount in it, I would have the FREEDOM to do what I wanted and be happy. To live life by my design. It made complete sense to sacrifice the here and now for later. Every success driven book will tell you that it's okay; sacrifice now for the life you want later. I'm questioning this logic these days. These days I'm counting the cost of my sacrifice. Is it truly worth it? In some instances, I say absolutely! It's worth the sacrifice of tasty foods to have good health or the sacrifice of shopping trips to be debt free. In some instances, sacrifice is necessary in order to reach our goals. Each day I sacrifice a few hours of extra sleep in the morning to read and invest in myself. It's worth it. I just encourage you to weigh the costs before you dig in. Not all sacrifices are created equal.

I truly believe there is a time and season for everything. As much as I would love to have everything I want on my schedule, it doesn't always happen that way. As moms it's so hard to find the balance between our inner desires and those of the little people in our lives. My desire for success can so easily become my main focus that I forget about my greatest calling, and that is the title of mom and wife. These days I'm reminding myself that God makes everything beautiful in His time (Ecc 3:11), that God has an incredible plan for me, it's just on his timeline and not mine. So my dear success driven friends, as the new year kicks off and you are pursuing your awesome goals, don't forget to slow down. Don't forget to make time for the things that matter the most and don't be discouraged if things don't unfold as quickly or as smoothly as you'd like. Embrace the season you are in and continue moving forward. When we surrender to God's perfect timing, we will truly be blessed.

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New beginnings. It kinda comes with the territory when you think of the new year. For my family and I,  the new year is bringing many new changes for my family. I wish it was as simple as new year resolutions for us, but unfortunately this year it's quite more in-depth with a move, a career change and beginning a new life. As we hang out in limbo, having an extended visit with family, I can't help but be overwhelmed with emotion; missing the life we left in VA, anticipating what is to come and embracing the here and now with the ones I love. Life isn't always black and white. It can get a little messy (okay a lot messy) and sometimes we just need to know someone understands, that someone is there. As a military wife that can be hard to come by in an area that is not associated with the military. People don't get it. My poor son was getting a little over chatty with the friendly lady at the grocery store, telling her about our recent move from VA, how we'll be here a few months before we move on to our next new home. She looked so perplexed and gave me a look of pity. It's a common response when we meet new people here. The idea of moving every 2-3 years, traveling and being separated from your loved ones seems like a hard burden to carry when you are not used to it. Sure, it's gotten me a few extra military discounts but at the end of the day it can get a bit lonely. So, as I was on a run recently unloading all my cares and concerns on God he was quick to remind me that I'm not alone, that he loves me and if anyone can understand it's Jesus.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we aren't alone. That we have a father in heaven that not only hears our prayers but can sympathize with our struggles. I love what Psalm 86:6 says, " Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; And attend to the voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon you, For you will answer me." When we talk, He listens. When we feel alone like no one understands, He does. When we need to be comforted, He comforts. We are never alone, even when we feel like the whole world is against us, we can depend on the greatest Comforter of all. So don't fret my beautiful friend. No matter what you are going through, no matter what burden you carry deep in your heart, be reminded today that you are never alone.

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Christmas has come and gone. I was blessed to be able to spend this Christmas with all of my family. There was peace, good food, and plenty of laughter. Now that the dust is settling and I'm catching up on some much needed rest, I can't help but look back at the past year and reflect. So much has happened in 2014. I've been incredibly blessed this year and I've also came up against many obstacles and struggles. This year has been a year of incredible growth for me and that comes with some pretty significant growing pains. Exactly a year ago today, my family and I were making our cross country drive back to VA. As I sat in the passenger seat, I wrote out my plans for the year. I came into 2014 full of hope and excitement for all that was to come. I'd made MY plans and I can't help but sit back and laugh. I can't help but wonder what God thought of MY plans. We obviously were not on the same page coming into the new year. With that said, God was so faithful in 2014. He showed up and was there as I was put under the heat and pressure that comes with change. This year I chose to let a few things go so I can be the woman God wants me to be and I've never felt more free! While I lost in some areas, I gained in so many other ways. God blessed my marriage. He blessed my boys and our family with peace and spiritual growth. He helped me get my nose out of my phone and invest in the relationships around me. Looking back the things that were so hard to let go, seem so little compared to the blessings I've received because of His faithfulness.

So, as I sit here looking forward to a new year, I'm doing things a little differently this year. I'm asking God what He'd like me to work on this year. I'm lining up my goals with his Word. Then, I'm dreaming BIG. I'm not putting limits on myself or God. I'm taking God out of the box that I tend to put him in and I'm expecting amazing things in 2015. It's so easy to limit ourselves based on past experiences and failures. It's easy to expect no change and to continue living a life that is lacking and often mediocre. We serve a limitless God. He is all powerful and all knowing and loves each of us dearly. As the new year arrives, lets be bold with our prayers and plans. Lets dare to dream big and invite God into our story. Lets take off the chains that are holding us down and move into 2015 with the Creator of all the universe on our side. God has amazing plans for us! Lets not be afraid to dream big!

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